The nitty gritty of it all!

Ok so as promised on my Facebook posts i was going to do a Q&A session with you all!
And i should add - anyone who is reading my blog who isn't on my Facebook is more than welcome to ask questions too (just use the post option below) and i'll be more than happy to answer your questions in future blogs.

I get asked a lot of questions, and not just from friends and family; complete strangers just love asking about it all too so i will try and cover the most asked Q's and of course the ones you want answered from Facebook.
On some questions i will even get Sara (intending mum) to share her perspective.

This will probably be my longest post yet so sit back, grab a cuppa, and hey i won't tell anyone if you sneak some chocolate bikkies in too (cookies if you aren't from down under lol) ..... and enjoy the read!

Q: So because you and Sara are twins, does that mean you share the same DNA?
A: We are identical twins so yes our genetic structure is 99.9% the same, therefore the little baby that is growing inside of me is as much Sara's as it is mine (genetically). So she really can be called this baby's real mother even though it was my egg we used, pretty cool huh!?

Q: Because you used your egg does that mean Sara has to legally adopt the baby once it's born?
A: Yes. Once the baby is born, by law, the names on the birth certificate will be the father's (Lance) and my own because i am the birth mother. Once the legal papers have been filed and the courts give it the all clear for the baby to be adopted to Sara a new birth certificate is issued with the father's name and Sara's name. Some may say it's not worth the hassle, but not doing this only causes more hassle in the future. Sara would not be able to apply for anything for her child (passport, school enrolments, hospital permissions for surgery, treatment etc), everything would have to be approved by me first so in the end it is worth the hassle to make life easier in the long run.
Sara's Answer: Having the same parents on all of our children's birth certificates means alot to us, this doesn't mean in any way we are dismissing what Amy has done for us.

Q: Are you going to tell the baby, once it's old enough to understand, how it was conceived etc?
A: Coming from my perspective we will be fully open to telling our own kids about how their cousin was brought into this world, sure it may be a little confusing at first but we don't want any of our kids to be ashamed of Squirts origins.
Sara's Answer: We are going to be fully open with how Squirt was brought into the world, why hide something so special and so different, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Q: Are you getting paid for this?
A: No. I am not receiving any money for this. The laws in New Zealand  are quite different to other countries laws such as America, our laws do not allow surrogate mothers to be paid and even if the laws allowed this i still would not accept any money for it. I'm not doing this for any financial gain and personally i wouldn't want my uterus to have a "for sale" sign pitched in it's front yard. Giving the gift of life is reward enough.

Q: How does it feel lying on the bed for the ultrasound and thinking "oh that's my niece or nephew"?
A: All i feel is excitement, the same excitement i felt when i was awaiting all my other nieces and nephews, the only difference is the ultrasound wand is on me and not my sister/sister-in-laws. I felt a different excitement with my son Hunter's scans because that baby was "mine". Also, I feel lucky to be able to go to every scan and see the progress and not have to be at home waiting for the photo's lol.
Sara's Answer: (coming from Sara's perspective) I feel the same way i did with Holly and Bella's ultrasounds, i'm just not the one lying on the bed, i guess in a way i can see what it's like from the Dad's perspective knowing it's your child but not having the scan done on you.

Q: Do you think you will have a different relationship with this baby than you do with your other nieces and nephews (after he/she is born?)
A: I would be lying if i said no but the truth is i would probably have a slightly different "bond" with this niece/nephew than the others. I would in no way play favourites though. 
It would be great to use the line "i carried you for 9 months now do what your Aunty say's, no back chat!" lol just kidding...maybe.

Q: Who is going to be in the delivery room?
A: Because i am having an elective c-section at 39 weeks we will be in theatre and according to hospital policy only one person can accompany me into theatre. That person will be Sara BUT we are going to see if they can bend the rules and allow Lance to be present at the birth too.

Q: Will Lance be rubbing your belly once you are bigger?
A: A lot of people might think this is weird having my brother-in-law rub and talk to my belly, but honestly i don't mind at all. He's welcome to if he feels comfortable doing so. I've been pregnant before so i'm no stranger to my belly being public property lol.
Sara's Answer: I feel fine about it, if he wants to feel his child kicking and talk to it like he did with Holly and Bella then i'm totally fine with it, i'll be doing the same!

Q: When Squirt is born is he/she allowed to go straight home with Sara?
A: In most cases the baby must stay with the birth mother for 12 days post birth. But you can apply for pre-approval to have the baby go straight home with the intending mother (which we will be doing).
Sara's Answer: It's also an obvious importance for us to be able to bring the baby home with us straight away as i'll be breastfeeding.

Q: Will you be breastfeeding Squirt? 
(this is actually my favourite question people ask me as the answer and the effort it will take to breastfeed this baby fascinates most people)
A: Nope, i will not be breastfeeding Squirt. I am completely cut off on the idea, to that alot of people ask why? so i reply "did you breastfeed your niece or nephew?"...they always quickly say "NO yuck!!" ...exactly, i feel that same way too lol
My role as i see it is to solely grow this child, not feed it. BUT i have agreed to pump colostrum after the birth if Sara could not get any, after that i will be drying my milk up with prescribed drugs.
So then another question arises from that, see next question.

Q: How will Sara get colostrum and milk if she isn't pregnant!?
A: Simple. ok not so simple, it takes months and months of preparation and lots of drugs to get her boobies to produce milk, basically the drugs trick her body into thinking it's pregnant, therefore tricking her boobs into producing milk. I'll let her answer the rest....
Sara's Answer: I started the drugs when Amy was about 8 weeks along, i basically have to trick my body into thinking it's pregnant and to do this i have to take the contraceptive pill but only the hormone tablets, not the sugar tablets so i don't get a period. I also have to take a drug called domperidone which is a drug used to increase milk supply in lactating women. So the schedule of drugs to get a clear idea of it all is:
Contraceptive pill is taken every day until 6 weeks prior to Squirts due date and then i cease taking it.
Domperidone, i took one tablet four times a day for the first week, and now i take two tablets four times a day (doubling the dose) and i continue with this dose even after Squirt is born until i get a good supply of milk.
Pumping, I will start breast pumping 6 weeks before Squirt's due date, and i have to pump every three hours for ten minutes at a time, every day. This also includes waking through the night, so it's just like having a newborn in the house!
Other drugs, I will also start taking blessed thistle, fenugreek seed and also incorporate oatmeal into my diet once i start pumping.
This is all done under the guidance of a lactation consultant and is the researched protocol for inducing lactation.

Q: How do you feel giving up a baby that is yours?
A: Ok, stop right there. Lets get a few things straightened out to avoid any future hormonal outbursts with this question.
Yes i was an "egg donor" & grew the baby inside of me (traditional surrogacy) but in no way, shape or form do i see this baby as mine. To give something up you first need to recognise it as your property and at no point in time have i ever seen this child as mine. I have fully detached myself from that thought pattern, in fact i detached myself even before we started trying with the syringe. I'll be honest, surrogacy is not for the faint hearted, it takes a-lot of sacrifice and an extremely strong mind to cope with it all but i'll be covering more of what goes on in a surrogates mind in an upcoming blog.

Q: Was/or is anyone from either side of the family weird about it all?
A: Not that we are aware of, so far we've had really positive reactions; before we tried and were telling people our plans and also when we announced that we were pregnant. Most people just seem really fascinated with it all and what family we do keep in contact with feels special to be apart of it (with their family connection to us).
This goes for friends as-well.

Q: Do you and Terry have to abstain?
A: No we can still have a normal sex life, with my pregnancy with Hunter we had to abstain until i was 38 weeks pregnant as i had a lot of bleeding issues, and also because i had suffered two previous miscarriages we weren't to risk anything with intercourse, but once Hunter was born, i proved i could carry a baby to term and because this pregnancy has not (so far) had any issues we can continue on as normal with intimacy.

Q: Does this affect your funded IVF? (for those who don't know, i had funded IVF to conceive Hunter)
A: The IVF talk can get really confusing so i'll try to keep it really basic! My funded IVF ended the day Hunter was born. A funded cycle includes the entire IVF procedures (drugs, scans, tests etc) and also includes any frozen egg transfers (if you had any embryo's frozen) if a pregnancy is not achieved or sustained. Once you give birth to a live baby that's the end of your funding, so the remaining 3 embryo's i have in storage are still ours to use (it's illegal for them to destroy them without permission) in the future. We just have to pay for each frozen egg transfer it takes to get pregnant, which is about $700-$1000, give or take a couple of hundred. But in saying all of this, any pregnancy i have now, whether that's naturally conceived by my husband or a surrogacy situation has nothing to do with any IVF i have done in the past.

Q: How long after this surrogate pregnancy do you have to wait to add to your family?
A: Because i am having another c-section, the period recommended to conceive after the c-section is 10 months to a year. So we might consider doing one of our frozen egg transfer's a year or so afterwards, i'd like to give my body a little break from breeding and birthing babies lol. So Hunter should be around the age of four before another child is added into our family.

Q: Will you be finding out the gender?
A: Sure will be! Sara and Lance don't have the will power to wait and sister Holly is insisting she is having a brother not a sister, so if it was a girl we would like to get her used to the idea of having a sister to avoid any disappointment/tantrums at Squirts arrival.

Q: Do you think Squirt is a boy or girl?
A: I think Squirt is a boy, i had this same feeling with my son so will see if i'm right in the upcoming weeks!
Sara's Answer: My gut feeling is that it's a boy.