5 months on...

Whoops....did I miss a couple of months? Yes i did!! Life in the last couple of months seems to have sped by and I just never got around to posting my monthly updates and for that I deeply apologise!

But if I was being honest there hasn't been a tremendous amount of updates regarding the surrogacy or "post" surrogacy I should say, I can however inform you of the tremendous amount of smiles that Bennett is sharing with everyone though, and the giggles! Wow he is just one big ball of cuteness when those baby giggles start!!

Bennett 3 months old and full of smiles

He is getting so chubby now too, those rolls are so gorgeous to look at, now if only we saw ourselves in that way too the world would be such a happier confident place!! ;) 

And boy oh boy does he love his mama! He is a complete mama's boy and hates Sara to be out of range from his sight, the air sirens will start warming up....waaaaaaa (little moaning sound) until BAM! It goes from warming up to full on state of emergency air sirens WAAAAAAAA in 3 seconds flat until Sara picks him up, immediate silence and smiles replace the sirens! I love how simple and effective baby language is lol! 

Loving his mama!

So there hasn't been too much progress in the legal side of things, we are still waiting for the adoption papers to be finalised by a judge. A few weeks ago me and Terry did however have our meet up with the social worker to get our statements and feelings on the whole thing....it's basically just a report done so the judge can see how this all came about and if there is any hindrances to complete the adoption, it's following the NZ 1955 adoption act which is severely outdated and a lot of the stuff doesn't even fit in with surrogacy....it's like trying to force a piece of jigsaw in on the puzzle that doesn't fit but you have to make it fit cause there is no other way to compete the picture. Here's hoping all the talk of the act being revised for surrogacy cases does indeed happen so future couples have an act that actually suits the situation.....

I did have to laugh as the questions I was asked (and Terry too of course) were questions I've been asked 100 times before and the answers are pretty obvious! For example "do you have any regrets about Bennett being raised by Sara & Lance?"..... If I did he wouldn't be there with Sara full stop.

There was one question that really irked me though, one that the "legal people" love to ask, "will you tell the kids all about this, let your son know he has a little brother?".... The simple answer to that is he doesn't have a little brother, he does however have a little cousin and yes he will be told how his COUSIN was conceived and why it happened the way it did. 

You have all these legal representatives that do it all this way to put the child's best interests at heart, but how is planting a seed of confusion into their heads helping them out? We are trying to teach them how this baby was made and why and what his "title" is to them and then these people come along and mention something completely different and just don't really get it...My children are not Bennett's siblings and I am not Bennett's mother, there is more than just genetics that make a mother to a child. Sara is mum, Lance is Dad, Holly is sister, my son Hunter is cousin, my husband Terry is uncle full stop, that's how simple it really is to us, I only wish others saw it that way too...

So darling Bennett is 5 months old, nearly half of his first year has already passed! How on earth did it speed by that fast!? Well I have enjoyed it all, watching this little miracle grow with each passing month and seeing his little personality emerge more and more. I am a very blessed Aunty and so very proud for creating this life that has brought so much sunshine to everyone's lives :) 

Bennett 5 months old, loving his jolly jumper!

Bennett is such a chubby little snuggle monster just like my boy Hunter was as a baby, and it's always lovely when I babysit Bennett and he just hangs out with me on my front in the mei-tai (baby carrier) while I potter around doing my housework, Aunty bonding time is always awesome! And you definitely should cherish these early months because its not long until they weigh much more and it feels like you are carting around a baby hippo on your hip or they are squirming to get away from you to go play! 

Hanging out with Aunty (me!)

There is still a lot of conversation directed towards me about this whole surrogacy, people still find it fascinating and a lot of people like to bring up how I always used to say when I was pregnant that I was not going to be a big wreck "giving him up" etc and they love to ask "now that he is actually here, has it been different to what you expected? Did you need counselling after all?" And it's usually always finished off with "cause I could never give up a baby myself!!" (that's the most famous line I hear)

I usually have a good chuckle to myself every time I hear these questions..... and sorry to disappoint you everyone but there is no personal soap opera going on in my life from all of this, I'm not lying on a sofa spilling my emotions to a psychologist while he scribbles down how unstable I am lol.....this may sound shocking to some but I felt absolutely nothing handing that little bundle of joy over to Sara and Lance, ok, that might be an exaggeration, I did feel something! I felt happiness! 

I've said it many times before, if you are going to be a surrogate you need to be in the right frame of mind, you need to be hard wired that there is absolutely no maternal bond between you and the bump growing in front of you, you are solely a force of nature doing a natural thing (growing a baby) for another woman that cannot do it herself, it really IS that simple and there is no need to erupt it into a big drama that will do no good for anyone. So when I say I felt absolutely nothing when I handed him over and I haven't had any sadness or regret or 'wondering' since his birth it doesn't mean I'm a cold hearted person that has no feelings, that would be majorly wrong to label me as such because I love Bennett dearly like I love all my other nieces and nephews and I will always have a "special" bond with him!
It does take a special kind of someone to be a surrogate, many people have told me that and I do believe it myself...yeah I'm kinda tooting my own horn but when you've accomplished the biggest thing EVER (that's giving the gift of life to someone) in my books that gives you a free hall pass to be as proud as you want to be. Power to all the surrogates out there!!

A Quote for all the surrogates that become a surrogate from a similar situation to mine & Sara's.