Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of Bella's passing. The year sure felt like it had zoomed on by and it's hard to imagine my little niece would have been turning one yesterday.
To mark her special day we had a big family picnic, and we hoped the weather would cooperate being that Summer is here, well the weather wasn't exactly perfect, it was very cloudy and very windy but it didn't rain and that's the best outcome!The day was filled with happiness, after all Bella is still apart of our family and deserved to have a first birthday like every other child in the family but it was also filled with sadness and longing....if this tragedy never happened then we would have had a little birthday girl running around with her sister and cousins, she would have had a table full of presents and she would be blowing out her candle after we sung her happy birthday....
Well she actually still blew out her birthday candle, the flame blew out just after we sung happy birthday and that brought a smile to everyone's faces knowing she was still there with us even though we couldn't see her.
Sara also planned a balloon release and we all wrote messages on the balloons before sending them up into heaven, there were a few wayward balloons sneaking off before the release and a few pops but other than that it went without a hitch and surprisingly none got caught in any tree's or brought down the town's power supply by getting caught in lines lol. I'm sure Bella had fun reading all the special messages written out just for her.
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| Bella's balloon release |
As always it was lovely seeing the majority of the family and Squirt got lots of belly rubs, of course as soon as someone touched my belly he went all shy and wouldn't move but as soon as they stopped he would kick like crazy!
The day brought a lot of mixed feelings for myself, it was a lot harder than I anticipated and I had a big cry in the morning, Dec 2nd 2011 was a day that should have been filled with happiness but instead a year later I was sitting there thinking of all the horrible things that happened that day and I still can't quite believe that this all happened. But I still wanted my niece to have the birthday she so deserved and my contribution was making the cake; Sara is a "packet mix" mum (hehehe) so I always make the birthday cakes, it was only fitting that Bella have a pink cake with flowers and butterflies as these things have been significant to the family since her passing.
This past year has been hard, 3 year old Holly made the blow of Bella's passing a little more "easier" to absorb but the family couldn't have stayed as strong as it has if it wasn't for the help of supportive organisations such as SANDS Manukau and Features Forever who helped create some lasting memories of our little Bella. A huge thank you to Sarah and Lisa who run these places.
I would also like to take a moment to reach out to all those expectant mumma's who have had previous c-sections and are wanting to attempt a VBAC - please make sure you are 110% confident in this decision, get two or three different opinions, talk to specialists about why you had a c-section in the first place and if a VBAC may be an unattainable goal, really think about that percentage that ends in a ruptured uterus and is often fatal to the unborn baby and also puts your life at risk, yes it is a small percentage but it's still a percentage which means you are not bullet proof, don't fall for that line "it's a small percentage so it will never happen to you"....trust me, I saw it with my own eyes, it can happen. What you need to decide is if it is worth that risk. If the healthcare professionals gave Sara this advice in the first place and did their job while Sara was in labour then we would have a one year old little girl running around playing with all her new birthday toys....
Happy 1st Birthday Bella, we wish you were here with us, we wish we could have watched your first crawl and those wobbly first steps, gushed over your first smile and those first teeth that would eventually fill it, watch you take in the world and learn all about it and watch your personality develop, but instead we were robbed of your precious life in circumstances that were fully avoidable, we miss you and will miss you every day until we meet again in heaven.
Bella's memoriam notice - click here to view.
I would also like to take a moment to reach out to all those expectant mumma's who have had previous c-sections and are wanting to attempt a VBAC - please make sure you are 110% confident in this decision, get two or three different opinions, talk to specialists about why you had a c-section in the first place and if a VBAC may be an unattainable goal, really think about that percentage that ends in a ruptured uterus and is often fatal to the unborn baby and also puts your life at risk, yes it is a small percentage but it's still a percentage which means you are not bullet proof, don't fall for that line "it's a small percentage so it will never happen to you"....trust me, I saw it with my own eyes, it can happen. What you need to decide is if it is worth that risk. If the healthcare professionals gave Sara this advice in the first place and did their job while Sara was in labour then we would have a one year old little girl running around playing with all her new birthday toys....
Happy 1st Birthday Bella, we wish you were here with us, we wish we could have watched your first crawl and those wobbly first steps, gushed over your first smile and those first teeth that would eventually fill it, watch you take in the world and learn all about it and watch your personality develop, but instead we were robbed of your precious life in circumstances that were fully avoidable, we miss you and will miss you every day until we meet again in heaven.
Bella's memoriam notice - click here to view.
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| Bella Grace Smith 02.12.11 |
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